For the past two days I have been frantic, depressed and struggling to find hope in this situation. Elysha was able to put this experience into words when she said that it's like we've run a marathon and just as we got to the end, exhausted and elated, we were told that we have to turn around and do it all over again. Our tanks are empty. As she said, "I'm exhausted because this little 6 month old baby is so strong."

I was having a hard time praying and trusting in Lauren's healing. but there is nothing that I can do to help Lauren other than those very things. This afternoon, after I broke down yet again in the ICU and came to rest, I felt like I was being told that I need to wait on the Lord's timing. I can't hope to rush things as everything is in His hands, not mine. I am not to worry and I am to wait on the Lord. He is holding Lauren in His hands.

As I've been praying throughout the day I kept hearing a line from a song in my head "gold, refined in the fire". I can't even place the song, I just know that it is one that I haven't sung since I was much younger. When Matt joined me this evening, he grabbed the iPad to look up a verse that has been whispering in the back of his mind and he couldn't remember the whole thing. He typed in, "of greater worth than gold," and got back the verse "These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed" (1 Peter 1:7).

As we have been dealing with our brokeness and screaming inside with the pain of this experience, God is whispering the same words into both our souls. We are being refined. This is a fire stronger than anything we have ever experienced and sometimes it feels like we are being burned up, but God will not give us more than we can handle. We will wait upon the Lord.

God, please continue to hold our little baby Lauren in your hands and help us to trust that she is there. Please pour out your healing into her little body and remove any and all complications that are possible. Give her your peace, a peace that passes all understanding, and your strength that is more than anything that we can give to her. Thank you for the blessing of our daughter. Thank you for drawing us near to you and holding us all close. God, please give us the patience to wait and use that time to heal Lauren's body in a way that will ensure that she never comes back here. Thank you for your faithfulness. We give you all the praise, glory and honor. Amen.


  1. Praise God for speaking to both Amanda & Matt through your Word, to assure then you are there. Lett your healing rain on Lauren. Amen.


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