19.1.13

50/50 MARK


To my dear Lauren,

Today you have had a fixed heart for one more day than you lived with a hearth deprived of oxygen. For so long you lived with a broken heart and it took five and a half months of struggling with it before it was discovered. Each day since has been a step further from sickness and another day closer to a healthier heart. I have prayed and will continue to pray that your heart will fully recover. But even if it doesn't become  "perfect” it will always be better than it was and it will be good enough for you to live and love life.

This struggle with your heart has also made me realize that before you came along my heart wasn't right yet either. When you came into my life, I felt like my heart could breath for the first time in a new and exciting way. Every day since my heart has been growing and getting stronger and healthier because you are my daughter.

I have never felt joy in such a full way. When you laugh, the simple sound of that gladness brings a new lightness to my heart. I realize that I have never enjoyed moments so completely before you came along. The world slows and the business fades away until your laugh is the only thing that I am filled with. I pray that you never lose your ability to laugh easily and enjoy the things around you. You bring me such complete joy.

With everything that we have gone through together, the long nights and long days, you have taught me a new way to look at the world. I have had to have patience, more patience than I've ever had to have in my life. There have been, and are still so many unknowns, with your health and there is only so much that I can do. However, with each day my patience is being rewarded as you sparkle and shine with every new accomplishment. Your pride in your abilities is so amazing and makes everything completely worthwhile. Going through all of these trials with you has also allowed me to have more patience in other areas of my life and to slow down and think about what, and who, I really hold dear.

You have made me so much more honest, vulnerable, open, affectionate, caring and light. You have helped me to become more positive, focused, devoted and determined. I have discovered what is important and what is a distraction. You ground me and push me. I want to be more because you are here. The ways that I used to define myself have been thrown out the window and I don’t miss any of it.

You have made me into a different woman.

Today, and every day to come, your heart will be better for more days than it was sick. And every day that you are in my life, my heart is better than it was before too. I love you so much. Thank you for being my daughter.

Love, 
Mom


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