On Friday I opened up my computer to work on Lauren's photobooks and everything hit me like a slap in the face. Scrolling through photos was like this...

Cute, cute, cute, cute, BLAM. 

When Matt and I first took Lauren to the emergency room, there was a little girl who came in shortly afterwards who looked like she may have broken a bone in her ankle. I said to Matt, "Thank goodness this isn't anything that serious." BLAM. Or how about way more serious. 

Every once in a while it hits Matt, Lauren or I just what happened and we start to cry. That was my Friday. With Lauren not sleeping and being fussy, I was feeling sad for myself that I had lost the baby that I thought that I had. It took a bit of encouragement from Matt to realize that our baby is here, sitting right in front of me, naked as the day she was born, wiggling around and smiling my way. Instead of focusing on who she used to be (and she was actually very sick but we just didn't know it)0 I have to focus on who she is now - a little girl who is trying her hardest to get better. 

1 comment:

  1. Amanda, my heart breaks for you, Matt and Lauren at what you've been through and continue to go through. I'm so glad that our Father in heaven is with you in this. I continue to pray for healing for all of you. May God strengthen and comfort you during those moments when it all hits. May Lauren continue to improve day by day. May her sleep improve too. God bless and keep you and cause his face to shine down on you.


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